When my grandmother died several years ago, my mom, her husband, myself, and my boyfriend converged on her tiny assisted living apartment to do the typical clean out. The assisted living facility had told us that whatever we didn’t take would be yard-saled or donated, so our duty was to simply take personal items and reminders, and we could leave the rest. I combed through her large collection of Reader’s Digest How-To books. I never understood why she felt that someday she would need to snake her own toilet, but she had books that told you how. After I had taken my selection, my mother told me to rearrange them so that there weren’t any holes, to make it look as though nothing had been taken. I asked why, and she told me that it upsets her, and just do it. Okay.

Fast forward to two weeks ago. My mother’s husband’s mother dies, at 104 years old, and we now have the task of cleaning out her house. Similar story, but this time her vast family will take almost everything in the house; furniture, religious icons, pictures, dishware, with blessings from Mom and her husband, the more, the better. When I arrive, Mom is giddy. “You touch it, you take it!” Telling me how she found TWO sets of the same UGLY Christmas pattern china. Beseeching me to JUST LOOK AT THOSE HORRIBLE CURTAINS NONE OF THEM MATCH! Ummm….we knew she was pretty eccentric, mostly blind, very stubborn, but really, having a lot of fun because she did exactly as she pleased. Oh, and her GRIEVING SON is STANDING RIGHT THERE!

And I can’t help comparing her reactions to the two deaths, and noting the vast difference. She exhibited a lack of sensitivity that surprised me. Look, I know its been a long slow decline, and you are at the end of your patience, but Josephine is gone, and your husband needs your support!

And now she complains that he’s “withdrawn”. No, really?

I ended up taken four stainless steel ice cream bowls. They have little pedestals, kinda cute, and are well worn. They will probably end up at the local Goodwill.

I still have my grandmother’s How-To books, and I actually used one to figure out how to reattach the drain stopper in the bathroom sink to the pull. Hmm, I wonder if there’s a chapter on How To Make Your Mother Not Be A Chump.

There is a Lindt chocolate outlet store in the next town over. I went in to try their new flavor (white chocolate with citrus flavored truffle center…ok, but not great; I was hoping for a citrus zest punch to the mouth, but mostly got the overly sweet white chocolate taste stuck to my tongue) and it turns out that half the store is on sale. Literally, when you walk in, the whole left side of the store was between 50% and 70% off. But since I had spent most of my weekly budget on healthy food, I walked out empty-handed. And I had purposely parked on the opposite side of the parking lot to ease my guilt.

So, I lost some weight, and my clothes don’t fit anymore, and as I lost the weight I replaced my jeans because who the hell wants to walk around with their pants falling off, but I didn’t replace my shirts because I wear an ESD coat at work and no one can see my shirts anyway. But I’ve been WANTING to replace my shirts. I’m happy I lost the weight and I have more to go, but I didn’t really think this whole “will need a whole new wardrobe” thing through.

I love button-down fitted collared shirts. I’m not really a t-shirt person. Anyway, I found, at Kmart, decent button-down collared fitted shirts for eight bucks apiece. I bought seven.
I probably won’t be happy with the long term quality, and I’m sure there’s somebody somewhere who will have opinions about Bangladesh working conditions or the hiring or buying practices of the Kmart corporation, but right now I am ridiculously happy about having seven new shirts that FIT. And the amazing bargain.

And I’m happy about the fourteen shirts piled on my bed, size 2X, that I cleared out of my closet. There are more shirts in the closet that are too big, but those are my favorites and I’m not quite ready to give them the heave yet. And technically I’m not heaving anything yet. I am still carrying the delusion that I can someday alter the shirts that are too big to make them fit the new me. So I’ll put them in bags and store them in the basement until the next time I have a purging frenzy.

Now that Fashion Bug is gone, I have no idea where I’m going to buy my next round of jeans. My current stock of jeans cost me $14 each, and I bought five. But since I met someone yesterday who will inspire me as I exercise, I will need to solve that problem sooner rather than later. Fingers crossed!

Grrr, you all that live in states that observe half-assed holidays! I live in New Hampshire, where we only observe six holidays a year, AND WE LIKE IT!

Actually, I’m very jealous of people who get holidays like Earth Day and Patriot’s Day. It’s a VERY LONG TIME between New Year’s and Memorial Day. I HAVE CRAFTY THINGS TO DO and weekends are just too damn short!

Ever look around during your commute and wonder “Where is everybody?” That was me, this morning. Tiny moment of panic, thinking maybe it’s Sunday and I set my alarm and showered and left the house at seven o’clock on a Sunday morning? Cuz, that would be horrible. Like, broke a nail AND having a bad hair day horrible. (shudder)

I’m not a big fan of plain ole water, but heat it up a little, put in some twigs and leaves and call it “tea”, and I am ALL OVER THAT!

Current favorite is Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime Kids, flavor “Goodnight Grape”. Chamomile and a very sweet fake grape flavor. And still with no calories, no sweetener, no milk. Won’t cut it for morning bracing, you understand, but satisfying for bedtime.

I have a shamefully large stash of tea. I will try any flavor as long as it’s not caffeinated. Or strawberry/kiwi. Or peach. Flavors I like I usually can’t find again, so I buy several boxes, then hoard them like I think they’re going to go up in value.

I have several different mint teas because I’m chasing a scent from my youth. Our yard had wild spearmint growing in it, and whenever dad mowed the lawn, the spearmint scent overwhelmed the cut grass scent. It was wonderful, and probably the only time in my life I enjoyed when the lawn was mowed. Now I consider it a huge annoyance, and try to time my grocery runs with lawnmowing time. Anyway, the closest I’ve come is Bigelow’s Mint Medley. Kinda like plucking mint from the yard and chewing on it. Yum. And fresh breath!

Seriously, I use text messaging probably four times a month. One of those times that I try to use it, and it’s down. WTH?

I totally thought it was me. Quit the app. Rebooted the phone. Finally just called him to tell him I was going to the grocery store.

Side note, I finally got to use the phone AS A PHONE! I know, right? So weird!

This has been a post from a Luddite. On Tumblr. Okay, maybe I’m not doing this right.